Bipolar Brain

– This one is a little raw, it’s honest in the days of my life. This post is one about bipolar disorder and the effects, this post also touches on anxiety and depression. I don’t know if any of these will trigger anyone with a mental illness. –

If you’ve watched TV, Netflix, Hulu, or any other tv or tv app then chances are you’ve seen a bipolar medication commercial, these commercials talk about bipolar’s “extreme highs or lows” meaning depression, mania, and hypomania.

I’ve spent 5 days in a state of mania and now I’m exhausted. I’ve barely slept (at least I got all 4’s :P), my brain has been firing nonstop for the duration, and my emotions were all over the place. Although the Lamictal & Trazodone work it doesn’t always 100% of the time, kind of like anything else.

What is hard about this disorder is that you don’t know when any of it is going to happen, it could be weeks or it could be months but when it does the only thing you can do is hold on and trust it won’t last forever.

Drowning in bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety

It can be really hard on your family and friends too; canceling plans made well in advance that everyone is excited for, family get-togethers, or just hanging out to watch tv or paint.

When the mind decides itself upon something there is no changing it, especially when it’s wired in so deep it can’t be found. I’ve made terrible financial decisions, relationship choices, not looking after my well being, and spending days feeling like I have to read 3 books, write a novel, paint 12 canvases, write 15 business and 20 personal blog posts, talk to every friend I have for hours and get my hair & nails done when I’m so confident I could touch the sky.

I can’t go more than three days without taking my medications. I get ill, horrible migraine, I get so moody even though I don’t want to be around me, oh and I want to dye my hair purple (actually turned out pretty nice), or get a puppy (his name is Yamper, he’s a Pembroke Welsh Corgi). 

I’ve also got anxiety which can be brought through the roof sometimes. Large crowds I can’t be in because I’m worried something will happen to me or the ones I love, I’m claustrophobic even in my own clothes because my chest gets so tight I can’t breathe, and bring on the stress that brings on the panic attacks. That’s only to name a few. The Abilify & Prozac are helping keep this one at bay.

See what I mean by just holding on, it’s really all you can do. I’ve picked up a few tools along the way. I’ve learned to still try to be mindful of these episodes and anxieties. It’s definitely not easy but you’ve got to push through to find something to grasp while waiting for the storm to pass.

storm passing bipolar, anxiety, depression

I’ve recently started going to a psychologist which was referred to by my psychiatrist, but I’m not exactly sure how it should go, I’ve only been once. I thought it was just talking about my feelings but I was told to talk about anything that pop-up or anything I find during the week before another session to write things down, I’d like to cover.

I’ve had anxiety for most of my life and I’ve been misdiagnosed since I was a teenager. I was being treated for anxiety and depression but nothing was working; if anything it was making it worse. I was a little relieved when I got the bipolar 1 diagnosis because now I know I’m not crazy and all over the place chalking it up to my personality.

Someone who knows where you’re at and what it’s like is always helpful. Other than my psychologist and psychiatrist I’m going at this alone myself. When I try to talk to friends or family members all I get is an “I don’t understand”, which sort of pisses me off because you’d think a close member of your family would at least try to understand, like my mom. I talk to her about everything, she’s my best friend yet for this particular subject she won’t take the time to read up on it or ways she could help.

If you too have this disorder and need someone to talk to, I keep conversations confidential but I’m in no way a psychologist but I am a good listener. Send me a message or email and we’ll chat as long as you need to.

Practical Guide: About Me!

I’m Leslie (nice to meet ya!) I’m a 30 something witty and a full of energy human that loves to educate and inform about mental health, wellness, balance, & self love. I thought I’d share a practical guide about me. I love putting names with faces, so here you are in all my glory, hah. (that was a joke)

Awesome people connecting, I think we should be friends! But that’s just me…

Here are a few random facts about me.

  1. I love baking and equally love eating the baked goods.
  2. My favorite sweet treat to make are homemade brownies, of any kind.
  3. My favorite colors are lavender because of the serenity of it and teal for the vibrance.
  4. I have a Corgi puppy who is almost 2 months old named Yamper – named after a Pokémon. Who’s full of energy and
  5. I love his fluffy butt! I also have a cat named Quin who has a huge personality too.
  1. I love camping, hiking, and anything outdoors but I also love having my nails and hair done.
  2. I have Bipolar 1 disorder so it makes life really hard at times but I just keep pushing forward.
  1. I have a content creation business where I help overwhelmed female entrepreneurs, I absolutely love my business! I’m pretty much working on it, reading, or jotting down different things about it and business all day.
  2. I love getting under cozy blankets (even in the summer because he’s always cold, so i crank the AC it’s only 73*!) with a Swiss Roll in hang watching YouTube shows with my boyfriend.
  3. I love receiving packages, it’s like Christmas! I order so much it’s hard to keep up with it all (thanks Amazon!)
  4. I loooove reading! Stephen King is my absolute favorite, next to Kira Davis, and Jen Sincero. I can’t put their books down!
  5. I’ve started this new blog to help raise awareness of mental health, wellness, balance, and self love. Every now and then you might see a review of a product I loved, a tasty new recipe i tried, or an adventure post but I can assure you those will be few and far in between.
  6. I ate my right tonsil when I was 12, have you ever ate a body part you needed?) I had a sever case of strep throat, it put me in the Emergency Room twice!
  7. I love mochas! I’m like a dog with a treat when I see one coming or order one. I have no idea why but a white chocolate mocha or a Suisse chocolate mocha do the trick!
  1. I listen to lo-fi allll the time when I’m working, relaxing, cooking, all the things right. Click the link to check it out, you might like it too, who knows.

Now that you’ve gotten to know me, let’s connect! Drop a comment telling me a little or a lot about yourself! I’d love to engage (probably because I like to talk).